'Birthdays Was the Worst Days'
The Case for "Celebratin' Every Day"
“Birthdays was the worst days,
Now, we sip Champagne when we thirsty,
Uh, damn right, I like the life I live,
'Cause I went from negative to positive …”
Growing up in the 1990s, Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. the Notorious B.I.G., was a staple on urban radio. These lines from his song Juicy, memorialized on his multi-platinum album Ready to Die, epitomize what it means to go from rags to riches in the hood. Over thirty years later, whole Reddit threads and countless blogs are dedicated to dissecting some of the most iconic lines from the song, including what “Birthdays Was the Worst Days” means to this generation.
Having just celebrated my birthday over the weekend, let me offer my take on why this line from the song resonates with so many. “Birthday Blues” is an unofficial diagnosis that describes feelings of anxiousness, sadness, grief, or stress associated with an upcoming birthday. There are many reasons why people may feel sad around their birthday. For many, birthdays are painful reminders of a bad childhood, the loss of a parent or loved one, unrecognized goals or milestones, unmet expectations, or aging.
So, while “celebratin’ every day” with expensive clothing, houses, and cars was Biggie’s antidote for a less-than-ideal childhood, if you’re not a millionaire or celebrity, your birthday is your best bet for living out your favorite music video fantasies.
Aye … cut to a shot of me sailing on a yacht in Mykonos, sitting on a swing in front of the Burj Kalifa in Dubai, posing for a photo shoot in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, dancing the night away in Curacao, or flying high over the mountains of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. These have been my experiences celebrating my birthday or my close friends' birthdays. We lived for the excitement of a new place to explore and new experiences to share as we celebrated one milestone birthday after another.
A few years ago, I was surprised when my friend Abby told me that birthdays weren’t a big deal in her household growing up. In fact, it was shocking and somewhat alarming for her to see us go all out for our birthdays. She told me this after living in New York for a few years and receiving more invites to birthday dinners and festivities in one year than ever before.
Now, you might think Abby had a traumatic childhood and needs therapy. Here’s the reality: she is a therapist with healthy boundaries and practices and one of the most secure and confident people I know. That’s because she grew up being consistently celebrated and recognized by her family and loved ones. I learned from her that when you consistently pour into yourself and feel poured in by others, you know you are inherently worthy and deserving of good things, not just on special days; birthdays become just another day on the calendar.
Before you close your computer or unsubscribe due to this birthday blasphemy, know that you aren't wrong for wanting to make your birthday the biggest deal. Feeling uncelebrated or facing the prospect of celebrating alone can be depressing. But let’s also normalize not doing anything and relieve ourselves of the stress and anxiety of planning a big trip or party. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I longed for a moment to relax and rest. I told myself that if I couldn’t spend it relaxing on a tropical beach, the next best thing would be to spend it in an upstate cabin, writing and reflecting.
Even though neither option was my reality this weekend, I’m grateful for quality time with friends and the outpouring of love I received from family and friends around the world. The night before my birthday, I went to dinner with friends and woke up in an amazing hotel feeling pampered. Despite the weather, I also made it home in time to write and reflect in my journal, read my Bible, and meditate on what’s next in my life.
This weekend, I had this revelation about birthdays: Whatever we long for most on our birthdays is what we need to do more consistently throughout the year. If you long for a trip somewhere, you probably don’t travel regularly for fun and enjoyment. If you long for peace and rest, you probably don’t practice regular intervals of Sabbath. If you long for a big party, you probably don’t feel celebrated enough by your family and friends.
That’s because many of us only treat ourselves to something nice or allow ourselves to be pampered or celebrated on our birthdays. We may not feel like we can request time off from work, church, or family responsibilities unless it’s a special occasion. We may not think we deserve a celebration outside our birthdays if we’ve not accomplished the things on our to-do or to-be list yet.
So, you can see how the “birthday blues” are exacerbated if you’ve saved up all your time off, mental energy, and emotional joy for this big day, and the unexpected happens, leading to further disappointment and feelings of failure.
Life is too short to save anything for one day a year. Just three years after he released Ready to Die, Biggie was dead at 24 years old. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. You don’t have to be a celebrity rapper engulfed in an East-West Coast battle to number your days.
To quote another prolific rapper and musician, in Psalm 39, King David says,
“Show me, Lord, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure.”
Yes, it’s a little morbid to talk about death in the same space dedicated to the celebration of life. But isn’t that what funerals are – a celebration of life? The tragedy of a funeral experience occurs when someone dies younger than expected or meets an unjust end. But, if you have ever been to the funeral of someone who died at an old age from natural causes, there is a lot of jubilation coupled with the mourning. You often hear words like, “He lived life to the fullest.” “She lived a good life, and now God has called her to eternal rest.” Or as Acts 13:36 says of David’s life, “ … for after David had done the will of God in his own generation, he died and was buried with his ancestors …”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to leave this life without doing everything God has commanded me to do for this generation. I’ve already declared this year my “Year of Yes,” which means yes to God-things and good things. This year, ‘good things’ means caring for my body, mind, and soul daily, not just on my birthday. It means allowing others to celebrate me or, even if they don’t, not only does it not change or alter my value, but I am also free to celebrate myself without guilt. And please stop believing the lie that it is narcissistic to celebrate yourself. That’s false humility and, ironically, pride.
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt the “birthday blues” or grew up feeling like “Birthdays was the worst days,” I want you to know that no matter who has forgotten or failed you, you can still expect good things from a good God every single day. God doesn’t wait for a special occasion to bless us. He does it daily as we pray with Him and meditate on the wisdom He gave us through the Bible.
So, along with writing daily, I am also committing to celebrating a big or small win - even if it’s just waking up with breath in my lungs—a moment to pause and express my gratitude for this amazing gift of life with a little treat (whatever that means at the moment) or happy dance.
Here’s my treat for you this week:
Five Affirmations to remind you of how worthy you are to be celebrated:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11
"For I am God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do" –Ephesians 2:10
“And I know that in all things, God works for my good /the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” –Romans 8:28
“What, then, shall I say in response to these things? If God is for me, who can be against me? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give me all things? –Romans 8:31
“No, in all these things, I am more than a conqueror through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans 8:37